How to poach an egg?

Well, I can tell you that when I was growing up I thought + mostly still do think that a poached egg is fancy food. By definition, all it means is: ‘to cook in boiling or simmering liquid. 

Well. 

There’s certainly nothing 'fancy’ about that. 

Except that there’s a world of shit that happens when you go to poach an egg. And, ahem… there’s apparently a world of science behind poaching an egg. 

When it comes to poaching an egg, there’s a moment at least for me where I hold my breath and silently start cursing to myself like a dirty old man with Tourrete’s. 

It doesn’t happen until I am standing over the stovetop watching the proverbial pot that never boils. Which is good in this case apparently because you don’t actually want the water to boil nor to simmer either. 

And yes, as a backup plan–yes, do cheat. 

Add a splash of white vinegar to the water. 

It’s acetic acid which cooks it yes–by denaturing the proteins. i.e. tightens them. You see, you see there. There is a bit of science on your side. 

The other trick I learned?

Just swirl the water before dropping it in.

Yes, I am still holding my breath. 

Slightly, no definitely panicky.

Especially with that rubber heat proof spatula. 

’…if I keep tapping the edges of this swirled mess I am going to…yep,  pop the damn yolk.’

Fancy food = stress

Therefore this equation tells me: 

Poached egg = stress/world of shit

Boiled egg = no stress/the sun is shining out of my …well I think you get the picture. 

And if I haven’t scared y'all off by now then you’ve learned a new and what I like to call very important virtue: patience. 

Don’t fuck with egg too much + in about 2–3 minutes y'all will have your ever-so-carefully stress-free poached egg.
 

*This poached egg was brought to you by these lovely ladies...