Ummm, Hello? 

Yep. Just wanted make sure I had y'alls attention. 

There really ain’t nothing prettier than seared meat is there? 

All you ladies who are denying this right now, well–I don’t actually know who you are but I am just going to say it: you’re full of shit. 

It’s alright you can get angry–you were already offended anyway. 

I am not angry. 

Oh lord, no.

Not when there’s hot coals, hickory chips, and blue cheese bacon coleslaw involved. I will gladly put on my ‘comfortable’ pants + get down to business cause mama’s going in. 

Mama’s going to get in on the satisfaction that comes only after having put in two new garden beds. Hauling 32 cubic feet of soil, compost, peat moss, cow poo + other assorted soil conditioners. Oh, let’s not forget the turning over of the other 32 cubic feet of soil in the original beds–by freakin’ hand/shovel.

Maybe I will get to eat some of the tomatoes this year. 

Caterpillars be damned!

But for now while we all are pining for a Sunday on this Tuesday … thinking of steaks we’re just going to have to shine it on for a little longer. 

Have a cocktail, you’re gonna need it. 

I gotta tell y'all when I got these steaks it was a last ditch attempt at a half-assed Easter. The best part: the gentleman at counter. 

“Would you prefer a leaner steak or a steak, you know, with a little more fat?”

I says, “Honey, I don’t know who these lean steak people are but I sure as hell don’t know em. I will take the steaks with the most marbling.”

Gentleman, “WELL, I gotta ask." 

Apparently, not everyone is happy about Easter or Spring. 

I am not going to get into how to grill y'all steaks. 

As everybody. And I mean, everybody has got there ways of doing things. 

All I got is a few pointers so don’t judge. 

How to Grill a Steak (ribeye)

Prep time: simple, easy. Just got to get the coals going + rolling until they start to burn down a bit about 20 mins. 

Cook time: well that depends on how y'all want your steak cooked.

Ours. Ours was medium. 

What y'all will need: 

Equipment:

grill

charcoal

hickory chips

lighter

tongs

knife

cutting board

2–¾ lb ribeye steaks about an inch thick, preferably a little more. 

Marinade

In a large wide/shallow bowl mix together the following:

1/8 cup good quality olive oil

a few healthy dashes of Lea + Perrins Worcestershire sauce

1 ounce bourbon 

1 tsp Zatarains Creole mustard

6 cloves of garlic, chopped. 

1 spring onion with green tops, chopped. 

a mixed handful of rosemary, thyme + sage–chopped. 

½ tsp cayenne pepper.

be generous with the salt + pepper–about a tbsp per steak. 

Go ahead in slather your steaks in the stuff. 

Allow the steaks to rest for at least an hour. 

Check your coals + once they have started to burn down a bit add in a few handfuls of hickory chips. Then allow the hickory chips to burn into the coals. 

Your steaks should be at room temperature + ready to go on the grill. 

How to test for doneness?

I really prefer to poke it.

No seriously. 

There’s the hand method + there’s the face method.

No this doesn’t involve putting a steak on your face.

Kinda. 

Here’s the 'face’ method: 

A rare steak will be soft similar to pressing your cheek.

A medium steak will be somewhat firmer + similar to pressing your chin.

Well done steak will be noticeably tight, not a lot of give. Similar to pressing your forehead but again not quite. 

Hilarious, isn’t it? 

But hell it is easy to remember + could lend to some awesome photos. 

It works + that’s all y'all need to know. 

Once it has passed y'all level of doneness, take that bad boy off the grill and allow to rest for at least a few minutes. And by a few minutes I mean around 5 minutes. 

Now that, that slab of delicious is seared to perfection.

Repent.

Because it is going to be that good.