Sometimes I don’t remember things.

Large blocks of time just go—

I still can’t recall the sight of you leaving.

It seems that particular memory has been nearly, completely erased.

It appears time went absent as did the tears.

First thing in the morning—it’s that blinding feeling.

Occasionally, vacant ghostly apparitions appear in dusky morning light. 

I remember not

the final awkward exchange of words. 

Not the sound of the engine igniting.

Not the sight of your vehicle pulling out of the driveway.

For the life of me, I still cannot see it.

And that bothers me.

How feeble and languid memory can be.

What memory does not fail me is this, the metallic humidity that hangs sweetly in the air. 

It is the smell of the pavement after the rain—it’s an exact mixture of oils, grease and dirt that smell different each time. But this time it stopped me dead in my tracks. Suddenly, briefly, for a moment I returned to a time and a feeling of home washed over me. It is one of love and warmth.

It is one of smells and one of baked goods on a rainy weekend day.

It is the smell of richness, brown butter.

It is the smell of spice: ginger, cinnamon and nutmeg.

It is the smell of slightly sweet complex earth, bourbon and bananas.

It is dense.

Filling. 

It seeks to provide you nourishment.

It seeks to provide you memories—real, tangible, delicious memories.

Memories wrapped up in humidity, memories wrapped up in the smell of rain and grease.

Memories wrapped in bread. 

Banana Nut Bread with Pecan + Oat Streusel

Prep time: 15 mins

Cook time: 45 to 60 mins

Yield:  one loaf pan

2/3 cup whole milk

1 TBSP fresh lemon juice

2 ½ cups all purpose flour

1 tsp baking powder

½ tsp baking soda

¾ tsp salt

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp nutmeg

1 stick butter, browned

2 large yard eggs

¾ cup granulated sugar

½ cup light brown sugar

2 over-ripe banana

2 TBSP Snap Liquor

2 TBSP Bourbon

2 TBSP maple syrup

1TBSP fresh lemon juice

1 tsp vanilla extract

3 oz pecans, chopped

1 oz crystalized ginger

 Preheat oven to 350F.

Add lemon juice to milk let stand. 

In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg.

Break out a small sauté pan. Over medium-high heat place the entire stick of butter in the sauté pan stirring constantly until you have brown butter.

Y'all need to see the link above.

It only takes a few minutes and is worth it’s weight in gold in the depth of flavor it will add. 

Now break out the stand mixer. 

Throw in the brown butter and cream both sugars until well combined. 

Next add in the eggs, one at a time until well combined. 

Now mash bananas with Snap liquor, bourbon, maple syrup, lemon juice and vanilla. 

Add, slowly beat in the banana mixture with the sugar mixture. 

Alternating between milk and flour, mix at low speed until batter is smooth. 

Once the batter is smooth, stir in pecans and crystallized ginger.

Pour banana nut bread mixture into a loaf pan.

Now onto the topping

Pecan + Oat Streusel

½ cup all purpose flour

½ cup old fashioned oats

1/3 cup light brown sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp nutmeg

¾ stick unsalted butter, diced 

¾ cup pecans, chopped

In a small mixing bowl whisk together flour, oats, light brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg.

Next add in the diced butter. Rub the butter and flour/oat mixture with your fingers until it clumps together. Go ahead and toss in the pecans. Give it a good toss until combined.

Now grab your loaf pan filled with the banana bread batter.

Don’t be shy with the streusel. Everybody loves streusel. You can add as much or as little as you like. I added the entire amount–it resulted in a crumbly streusel nearly an inch thick.

Quite nearly heaven. 

So now it is time to slide that heavy loaf pan into that preheated oven for 30 mins to start off. It is a good idea to check it as most ovens have warm and cool spots. Just give it a good poke with a butter in the center of course but also towards the end/edges of the loaf pan.

My loaf never did have a completely clean swipe of the butter in the center  but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about cooking and heat. Once, you remove it from the oven/heat source it will still continue to cook for at least a little while, at another 5 to 10 mins. 

Go ahead and give that loaf a 180 turn and set the time for 15 mins. Check it again at 45 minutes. See how you feel about slide back in the oven if you like, in 5 mins increments until you achieve a (mostly) clean butter knife. 

Then open you windows.

Make yourself a pot of coffee. 

Slice yourself some of that bread. 

And eat damnit, eat.